Ten Steps to Healthy Relationships

Know that communication is the key to understanding others.  No more holding onto the false and childish belief that others can read our minds and know our needs and desires and what our words and actions really mean.

Release the egotistical and self-centered belief that others are there to take care of our needs.  Realize that others have needs also and include that awareness in all interactions.

Think before we react. Don’t allow old, unconscious and robotic behavior to determine the relationship.  Discipline yourself to respond in a more positive and useful way.

Remain in a non-defensive mode in time of conflict.  Answer in a rational manner, perhaps offering an alternative solution to the situation. In responding positively, instead of in a combative manner, we become a trusted ally and partner, instead of an adversary or worse, an enemy.

Know that we also possess negative traits and are capable at any time of exhibiting undesirable behavior.  When we take responsibility for the negative-shadow side of ourselves, we can stop blaming others, which creates a hostile situation and precludes any hope of a healthy relationship.

Know that there is a hidden agenda in all relationships that includes healing wounds from childhood and getting our early unmet needs fulfilled. We must search within ourselves and learn to recognize our unresolved issues and heal them. This process opens an opportunity for more understanding of others and therefore healthier relationships.

Know that when we satisfy our own basic unmet needs and desires, there is no need to try to force others to do this, which only sets up a struggle for power, in which everyone loses.

Know that we are born with the ability to love unconditionally and to live in peace and harmony with others. Unfortunately poor parenting and cultural conditioning causes us to lose awareness of these capabilities. Becoming conscious and aware is the path to reclaiming this desired state of being.

Know that all relationships require work.  We must be willing to commit to learning, growing and to changing.  It is our responsibility to continue working on ourselves to become healed and whole.
 
Know that there are no perfect people, perfect relationships or perfect families.  We are all among the walking wounded and all seeking to be healed.  In creating healthy relationships, we can be supported and nurtured in our mutual healing.  This is the heart’s desire of every human being on Earth.